The best books for thinking about sex and relationships differently

Why am I passionate about this?

I have always been fascinated by what makes people tick. Why people do what they do, how people can experience the same thing so differently, and why certain words like sex can create a shift in how people behave. As a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist it’s what I’m working on with people every day – and every day is different. My work outside the therapy room, hosting my podcast The Sexual Wellness Sessions and writing my book The Science Of Sex feels ironic in ways – I’m trying to normalise the conversations and break down the taboo so that less people end up in the therapy room feeling like they are the only one struggling.


I wrote...

The Science of Sex: Every Question About Your Sex Life Answered

By Kate Moyle,

Book cover of The Science of Sex: Every Question About Your Sex Life Answered

What is my book about?

Dispelling the myth that everyone else is having "perfect sex”, or even that there is such a thing, this inclusive book explores taboos, debunks myths, and brings together the latest research to a topic that has preoccupied the vast majority for millennia. 

Reframing assumptions about sex, and moving away from a shame-based approach to a pleasure-focused, biopsychosocial one, Kate Moyle, a certified psycho-sexologist, and psychosexual and relationship therapist, aims to encourage curiosity and pleasure through awareness and discovery. By including a variety of perspectives and different voices, Kate encourages readers to think about sex more holistically and, ultimately, normalise the conversation around sex.

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The books I picked & why

Book cover of What We Want: A Journey Through Twelve of Our Deepest Desires

Kate Moyle Why did I love this book?

Whilst this is a ‘fly-on-the-wall’ book that takes you through the experiences of clients in therapy, Charlotte also shares her side of the story as the therapist in question. This bridges both her professional and personal experiences, which completely draws you in.

There are so many thoughtful and interesting quotes throughout this book and I found myself scribbling notes the whole way through reading it. Whilst the book is provocatively titled around the topic of desire, it’s not all sexual or erotic. It connects with something that we all want in some way freedom, to belong, control, understanding, and love.

It’s a really smart book – not in an intimidating way, but in a ‘I wish I had written that’ kind of way. 

By Charlotte Fox Weber,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked What We Want as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

'Thoughtful, lucid and blessedly free of therapese . . . Weber's book is a powerful snapshot into the little bombs going off in the lives and homes of those around us' SUNDAY TIMES

'Finely crafted, profound and always generous . . . Made me feel excited to be alive' NATASHA LUNN

Our secret wants and desires are often hidden in a box. But what happens when you lift the lid?

Chloe is beautiful and fiercely bright, but her thirst for alcohol and attention is insatiable.

Sara resents being tied down to anything, but part of her craves stability.

Elliot is…


Book cover of Sex Secrets: Postcards from the Bed

Kate Moyle Why did I love this book?

This book is the follow-up to a postcard series and book called Lockdown Secrets, where Eleanor who owns a stationery shop in London, sent out blank postcards that people anonymously returned to her with their stories, secrets, and confessions.

The Sex Secrets series really puts light to the fact that there really is no normal when it comes to how we think about, feel, and have sex. Firstly the cards are beautiful, some of them almost works of art – you can feel people’s personalities in them. Some are heartbreaking, others heartwarming they take you through a complete range of emotions.

If you think you know what’s happening in other people’s sex lives then think again.

By Eleanor Tattersfield,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Sex Secrets as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Ever wondered what we get up to behind closed doors? This anonymous collection of postcards will show you, in glorious technicolour detail.

Following on from her bestselling Lockdown Secrets, queen of postcards Eleanor Tattersfield turns her attention to the sex lives of the nation. This time round, she put out a call on social media for people to reveal their deepest, darkest, funniest and even their most unsavoury sex habits, in postcard form. She was overwhelmed by replies, and the very best of them are collected in this book, hand-crafted and beautifully decorated. You'll be shocked and seduced by the…


Book cover of Conversations on Love

Kate Moyle Why did I love this book?

This is a book that everyone should read. It’s a celebration of love in all its forms, and it brings together the most incredible range of experts and authors which makes it impossible for you not to widen your perspective, and start to think about things a little differently.

Love stories are such a critical part of our humanness – even if we are not in love, we will likely have some love in our lives and some experiences of it. The questions I get asked as a therapist are often about how we can make love, relationships, desire, and sex last love is so complex, and it continues to be one of life’s biggest mysteries; which is why this book feels so important.

I really felt like I emotionally connected to something in every conversation. 

By Natasha Lunn,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Conversations on Love as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

*THE TOP 10 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER*

'This book might just change your life' Sunday Times

'Wise, wonderful, moving and brilliant... will leave your heart in a much better place' Stylist

After years of feeling that love was always out of reach, journalist Natasha Lunn set out to understand how relationships work and evolve over a lifetime. She turned to authors and experts to learn about their experiences, as well as drawing on her own, asking: How do we find love? How do we sustain it? And how do we survive when we lose it?

In Conversations on Love she began…


Book cover of Mind The Gap: The truth about desire and how to futureproof your sex life

Kate Moyle Why did I love this book?

Quite simply this book explains why nearly everything that we have been taught about desire is wrong which explains why so many of us misunderstand that desire changing doesn’t mean that it’s completely lost.

On page one Dr Gurney addresses the fact that we have unrealistic socially-set standards when it comes to sex, and these result in a huge number of us feeling in some way that we are failing at sex ( and also that we are the only ones because nobody talks about it ).

Loss of desire is one of the most common presentations to psychosexual therapists and so much of it is in the mismatch of what the science tells us, and what society tells us. I honestly feel that if every woman, and couple read this book that they would feel more positive, more empowered, and more able to change their sex lives and satisfaction for the better.

By Karen Gurney,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Mind The Gap as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

'This book taught me so much about female desire. A must read!' Cherry Healey

Did you know that there is an orgasm gap of around 30% between heterosexual couples when they have sex?

In Mind The Gap, Dr Karen Gurney, a clinical psychologist and certified psychosexologist, explores not just this gap, but the gaps in our knowledge of so much of the most important new science around sex and desire.

In this book, you will learn that nearly everything that you've been led to believe about female sexuality isn't actually true. And that, despite what you might think, it is…


Book cover of A Manual for Being Human

Kate Moyle Why did I love this book?

As the title suggests, this book is a manual for the human experience.

Dr. Soph breaks her knowledge and experience out of the therapy room and tackles the themes of how you got here, what’s keeping you here, and how you can move forward. This book just makes so much sense, and gives you the tools to understand and help yourself, and explains concepts like how our brains use shortcuts to make sense of the world; and how this can then show up and influence us.

What I love about this book is that it helps you to question, and to think about what works for you, what doesn’t, and what you want to do about it. 

By Sophie Mort,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked A Manual for Being Human as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?


THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER

'Clear, accessible wise advice for modern minds.' Matt Haig

'A Manual for Being Human is the motherlode, enlightening on why you might feel and behave how you do.' The Times

'A truly wonderful, warm and wise one-stop shop for any inquisitive human. Packed full of prompts, practical tips and pep talks that will guide you through any situation.' Emma Gannon

'There is a damn good reason why people are struggling. We are not raised to understand ourselves. In fact, we are raised misunderstanding ourselves and fearing the very thing that makes us, us.' Dr Soph

Do…


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The Pianist's Only Daughter: A Memoir

By Kathryn Betts Adams,

Book cover of The Pianist's Only Daughter: A Memoir

Kathryn Betts Adams Author Of The Pianist's Only Daughter: A Memoir

New book alert!

Why am I passionate about this?

I was first a clinical social worker and then a social work professor with research focus on older adults. Over the past few years, as I have been writing my own memoir about caring for my parents, I’ve been drawn to memoirs and first-person stories of aging, illness, and death. The best memoirs on these topics describe the emotional transformation in the writer as they process their loss of control, loss of their own or a loved one’s health, and their fear, pain, and suffering. In sharing these stories, we help others empathize with what we’ve gone through and help others be better prepared for similar events in their own lives.

Kathryn's book list on Memoirs illness aging death moving vivid prose

What is my book about?

The Pianist's Only Daughter is a frank, humorous, and heartbreaking exploration of aging in an aging expert's own family.

Social worker and gerontologist Kathryn Betts Adams spent decades negotiating evolving family dynamics with her colorful and talented parents: her mother, an English scholar and poet, and her father, a pianist and music professor. Their vivid emotional lives, marital instability, and eventual divorce provided the backdrop for her 1960s and ‘70s Midwestern youth.

Nearly thirty years after they divorce, Adams' newly single father flies in to woo his ex-wife, now retired and diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Their daughter watches in disbelief as they reconcile and decide to live together again. She steps in to become her parents' eldercare manager when her mother’s condition worsens, facing old family dynamics and disappointing limitations to available services. Throughout, she attempts to help her parents maintain their humanity in their final years.

The Pianist's Only Daughter: A Memoir

By Kathryn Betts Adams,

What is this book about?

Grounded in insights about mental health, health and aging, The Pianist’s Only Daughter: A Memoir presents a frank and loving exploration of aging in an aging expert's own family.

Social worker and gerontologist Kathryn Betts Adams spent decades negotiating evolving family dynamics with her colorful and talented parents: her English scholar and poet mother and her pianist father. Their vivid emotional lives, marital instability, and eventual divorce provided the backdrop for her 1960s and ‘70s Midwestern youth.

Nearly thirty years after they divorce, Adams' father finds himself single and flies in to woo his ex-wife, now retired and diagnosed with…


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