The best books for thinking about sex and relationships differently

Whilst this is a ‘fly-on-the-wall’ book that takes you through the experiences of clients in therapy, Charlotte also shares her side of the story as the therapist in question. This bridges both her professional and personal experiences, which completely draws you in.

There are so many thoughtful and interesting quotes throughout this book and I found myself scribbling notes the whole way through reading it. Whilst the book is provocatively titled around the topic of desire, it’s not all sexual or erotic. It connects with something that we all want in some way – freedom, to belong, control, understanding, and love.

It’s a really smart book – not in an intimidating way, but in a ‘I wish I had written that’ kind of way. 

This book is the follow-up to a postcard series and book called Lockdown Secrets, where Eleanor who owns a stationery shop in London, sent out blank postcards that people anonymously returned to her with their stories, secrets, and confessions.

The Sex Secrets series really puts light to the fact that there really is no normal when it comes to how we think about, feel, and have sex. Firstly the cards are beautiful, some of them almost works of art – you can feel people’s personalities in them. Some are heartbreaking, others heartwarming – they take you through a complete range of emotions.

If you think you know what’s happening in other people’s sex lives then think again.

This is a book that everyone should read. It’s a celebration of love in all its forms, and it brings together the most incredible range of experts and authors which makes it impossible for you not to widen your perspective, and start to think about things a little differently.

Love stories are such a critical part of our humanness – even if we are not in love, we will likely have some love in our lives and some experiences of it. The questions I get asked as a therapist are often about how we can make love, relationships, desire, and sex last – love is so complex, and it continues to be one of life’s biggest mysteries; which is why this book feels so important.

I really felt like I emotionally connected to something in every conversation. 

Quite simply this book explains why nearly everything that we have been taught about desire is wrong – which explains why so many of us misunderstand that desire changing doesn’t mean that it’s completely lost.

On page one Dr Gurney addresses the fact that we have unrealistic socially-set standards when it comes to sex, and these result in a huge number of us feeling in some way that we are failing at sex ( and also that we are the only ones because nobody talks about it ).

Loss of desire is one of the most common presentations to psychosexual therapists and so much of it is in the mismatch of what the science tells us, and what society tells us. I honestly feel that if every woman, and couple read this book that they would feel more positive, more empowered, and more able to change their sex lives and satisfaction for the better.

As the title suggests, this book is a manual for the human experience.

Dr. Soph breaks her knowledge and experience out of the therapy room and tackles the themes of how you got here, what’s keeping you here, and how you can move forward. This book just makes so much sense, and gives you the tools to understand and help yourself, and explains concepts like how our brains use shortcuts to make sense of the world; and how this can then show up and influence us.

What I love about this book is that it helps you to question, and to think about what works for you, what doesn’t, and what you want to do about it.